Just Another SelfInsert to Clog up Fanfiction
by DragonLady24
Summary: Not just your average self-insert, but a self-insert to RULE THEM ALL! Mwahaha!... Um... Right... I got a little carried away, OH! Just go read the fic before I give myself a brain hemmorage! .


Me: I hate to admit it, but… I'm WAY too competitive for my own good.

Lloyd: Really? You sure don't seem like it. Your stories suck.

Me: How would you know? You don't even read them. You don't read period.

Lloyd: …That hurt.

Me: Good. Anyway, back to the point. I also become disheartened easily, and I feel inferior to the people around me. So, to try and prove myself wrong before I go insane, I'm going to write a self-insert since they seem very popular, and, well, I want for my stories to be popular too. So, I'm going to work harder on this story than my others. I'll try to make it funny, exciting, and hopefully a worthwhile read. Well, let the story BEGIN! :D

* * *

An Introduction: Stuck in an Air Freshener

It's summer. It's boring, and it's freakin' HOT! Anyone who knows anything about me, it's that I get _very_ irritable when I'm hot. And, it didn't help that I'd just got my butt kicked by a boss on Resident Evil 2 SEVEN FREAKIN' TIMES!

"ARGH!" Like the spoiled child I am, I threw the GameCube controller at my newly painted wall. "Stupid game, you effing stupid boss killing me I'll you b-" I grumbled and complained at the inanimate case of Resident Evil 2, it's creepy eye peeking out from the crack of a door straight at me. After a moment of disturbed silence I yelled at it.

"What are you looking at?!" And threw it across the room as well. My oddly colored eyes initiated a stare down with the monster. "What makes you think you're so good huh?" Then I sighed. "Come on Brianna. Stop this. You're talking to objects, which is even scarier than the usual conversations you have with yourself." My feet tingled from the recent lack of circulation and I couldn't help but laugh as the rush of blood down there caused my stomach to get a nauseous but tickly feeling. Shaking my head to try and stifle the laughter, I walked, well… fell, to where the case landed.

I picked it up while my laughter still shook my body, but it immediately stopped when something hissed at me. My hand jerked away from the case as I gasped. Then, something I would consider the creepiest thing that ever happened to me, happened. The green eye eerily gazing at me, blinked slowly. I shrieked and ran to the opposite side of the room, trying to get away, but before I could reach the door, something caught my leg.

"Nononononono!" I began to scream. My voice was breathy. "Let go! Stupid thing." Afraid for my life, tears began to flow freely from my eyes without me even acknowledging the urge to cry. "I don't want to die!" With a large sucking sound, all I knew was darkness.

And this is where my story begins.

* * *

The first thing I noticed when I came to was the unusual smell of… something. I couldn't identify it. It smelled so pure, sweet, but like… too sweet. Like an air freshener. I opened my eyes which were met by an onslaught a bright yellow sunshine. On instinct I squeezed them shut to block out the light. A warm yellow haze still glowed behind my lids. After a preparation breath, I used my arms to sit up straight. With a small twitch of my left eyebrow, I very slowly opened my eyes, and after a few blinks, my vision set itself straight.

A wide expanse of bright neon green grass stretched out before my very eyes. A scale of oranges and yellows danced in the sky above and around a sun about as big as those in cartoon sunsets. This was something you'd never see on Earth, and it smelt so good. Wherever I was, it surely wasn't anywhere near civilization. This was the kind of beauty you could only find in places untouched my man's corrupted hands. My mouth opened partially as if it wanted to gawk at the scene too.

"A creepy monster drags me into a wormhole, black as night, full of evil, and I wake up in an air freshener post card." I nodded reluctantly. "Makes sense to me."

"Who are you talking to?" I jumped about a foot off the ground. I cursed myself for being easily startled, but it didn't prepare me for what I was about to see. My head turned to the owner of the voice. A man easily clearing six feet with spiky red hair and a sword strapped to his belt. Of course, me being an idiot didn't help things when I shouted the first thing that came to mind instead of thinking beforehand.

"Oh my gosh, Kratos?!" I gasped.

Bad mistake.

His hand wrapped around my neck as an expression of anger formed on the angel's face. My own hands flew to his, trying desperately to pull them off of my air pipe. I could feel my head starting to spin, and it didn't help things when the man jerked me to his face.

"How do you know me?" He demanded an answer. I fought against his grip, but there was absolutely nothing I could do. My feet were trying to kick him in the stomach, but my legs weren't long enough. Darn me and my shortness.

"I asked you a question." He barked.

"C-Can't, B-breathe…" I choked out. He grunted, but threw me to the ground, unsheathed his sword, and hovered it above me.

That didn't work. All I could do was cough, cough, and cough some more with maybe a little hacking sprinkled in.

"Answer me!"

"I c-can't." I whined. My mind was now in panic mode. A strange feeling of realization traveled through my veins with lightning speed as it hit me. This was an asthma attack. Or, at least, I thought it was, I'd never had a true blue asthma attack in my life before. This only made me hyperventilate which in turn made me cough harder and more frequently. Newly formed tears sprang to my eyes. Out of the frying pan and into the fire was all I could think. I could feel my heart pumping fiercely with adrenaline as its fuel. My body started to tremble as a result of lack of oxygen.

I guess it finally occurred to him that _maybe _I was having a hard time breathing. He sighed irritably and placed his sword back in its sheath and bent over me. And then, something happened that I _never _had thought was a possibility. Kratos placed one hand on either side of my face, pressed his face against mine, and began to perform CPR. My eyes flew open in astonishment, and then I slapped him in the face, and when that failed, I kneed him in the stomach. He sat up and grunted.

"What?!" He snapped.

"It's a-*cough*asthma retard. *cough* I-I'm not drowning. Do you s-*cough*see any water around?" I rolled on my stomach and pushed up with my hands. More coughs racked my body, but they were less severe. I was finally able to manage sitting on my knees and talking in halfway complete sentences.

"Are you alright now?" He asked.

"Why do you c-care." I coughed.

"Answer my question."

"What question?"

"How do you know me?"

I sat there being quiet and trying to let my asthma fit subside. Then, I took a deep breath as reassurance, and rushed through an explanation.

"I live on a different world and somehow I got here and on my planet there are stories about you and other people from this world. Anyway there was this creepy eye and a black hole thing which sucked me in and now I'm here." I said in one breath.

"…Yes…" He furrowed his brows in confusion. I guess even for a Seraph, a person warping here from other planets was not something that happened every day.

"Are you going to Iselia now?" I asked.

"Yes…" He frowned, no taking too kindly to having someone know his plans.

"Can I come? Please?"

"No." He drew his sword and made the tip put pressure on my throat. I gasped but made no sudden movements. "If you know my intentions, then you must die. Your very existence could jeopardize my mission, and that is unacceptable."

"Don't kill me! Don't kill me! Don't kill me!" I repeated over and over again, begging for my life. I was about tired of all of these life threatening experiences today. "I won't tell anyone I swear!"

Kratos thought about it, and then put down his sword. "Fine, but only because I do not slaughter children, and on condition, I'll let you live."

"Children? I'm not a child. I'm fourteen!" I protested. He gave me a 'don't push your luck glare' "S-Sorry." I apologized. "What's the condition?"

"You will come with me. If anyone asks, you are my niece, and your parents died long ago. And, as your guardian, I will have obedience to my orders. Understand?" His face held no expression, just one that demanded respect.

"Your _niece_?" I asked, not liking what I heard. Then, I huffed, guessing there was no other choice. "Yeah. Sure. If it keeps me alive I guess." I shrugged my shoulders. He nodded, turned, and began to walk in the other direction.

"My name's Brianna!" I called out, remembering that we never introduced ourselves.

"Did I ask for your name?" He asked.

'Did I ask for your name?' I mocked silently, making overly exaggerated hand gestures.

"Don't mock me. It is bad for your health." He stated.

I glared at him, mad at getting caught. "You would be more fun if it wasn't for that pole up your butt." I mumbled and crossed my arms.

"Quiet!" He ordered.

"Yes, your majesty." I made it breathy, sarcastic, and rolled my eyes as I walked past him, doing a small curtsey.

"Your life lasts as long as my tolerance for your antics does." He warned. I sighed and trailed behind him. I hadn't even spent thirty minutes in the land of Symphonia, and I was already butting head with the most powerful creature to walk it. What a great start I was off to.

* * *

Me: Lol! Kratos did CPR on me. Lloyd, how does it feel to know that your dad lip-locked with a girl two years younger than you?

Lloyd: *faints*

Me: *snickers* How about you Kratos? How do you feel about being a pedophile?

Kratos: Don't expect to wake up tomorrow.

Me: Meep… Anyway, I hope you enjoyed. Please review! I'm probably just setting myself up for disappointment though, just like I am with Pain. My stories really aren't worth reviews anyway. I just wanted to have one of my titles to be like some of the Tales of Symphonia fics that when you say it, at least one out of every ten ToS Fanfiction readers will recognize it. But, it's just an ambition. I shouldn't get my hopes up.

Kratos: You're not very optimistic.

Me: And you are?

Kratos:…

Me: Oh, burn! XD


End file.
